No More Holidays
Today's Liberal Nonsense: The Spring Bunny.
Yes, you heard me right. The Spring Bunny. You see, malls and shopping centers all across America that previously featured everyone's favorite furry Eastertime creature have shot, quartered, and fried up the Easter Bunny to serve him during Easter...er, "Spring" dinner alongside some mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. In his stead they have brought in the "Spring" Bunny. You see, these people believe that the "Spring" Bunny is much less offensive to non-Christians, allowing everyone to celebrate the glory that is East...er, "Spring." No longer will little tykes scamper through the meadow on an Easter Egg hunt; no, those children must now sniff out "Spring" Eggs, because we have to be politically correct.
Word has it that the Easter Bunny won't be the only one to go. More famous symbols of holidays derived from religious celebrations-and even the holidays themselves-will be taken out, too.
No longer will St. Valentine's Day be celebrated: rather, "Hallmark® Romantic Card Day."
St. Patrick's Day must go the wayside, as well. Now, St. Patty will be turned into the "Drink Like a Person of Irish Heritage" Day.
Two non-religious days, Mother's and Father's Days, will be turned into-respective-"Non-female parental-unit"and "Female parental-unit" days. Keep in mind, you also have to wish all females and non-females that have chosen NOT to be parental units a happy "Non-female/Female parental-unit" day, as well.
July 4th? Independance Day? No! No celebrations! Independence Day must now be declared as a day of national mourning, to mark the day that the Imperialist Americans came to power to conquer the world for the J00s.
April 22nd, on the other hand, will be a day of festivity and celebration! (Now, can you tell me why?)
Halloween must not be celebrated under ANY circumstances! You see, Halloween was invented by the Catholics, and we all know that the Catholics are really J00s in disguise trying to take over that world with that silly fool Emperor Benedict XVI.
Similar to July 4th, Thanksgiving will no longer be celebrated. Rather than give thanks to a made-up God for what we've been given, we must mourn and pray for forgiveness for what we've illegally taken from others less fortunate than ourselves.
And as for Christmas? Heck no! Christmas must be eliminated! Not only will all "baby Jesuses" (or is it Jesi) be burned or renamed into "baby fake idols representing an oppressive and overbearing false religion," but Santa Claus will be renamed to "Carlos, the dude down the street." Also, gifts will not be given on Christmas. Everyone will be encouraged-and hopefully required-to give everything they own to "Carlos, the dude down the street" so he can distribute it to whomever he sees fit.
Finally, the word "holiday" MUST be removed from the American jargon. It will be replaced by "Day of Non-Work." That way, a day holy to one religion can't offend another, and everybody wins!
Word has it that the only holidays allowed to be called holidays, and even allowed to be celebrated, will be Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and April 22nd.
Scary, isn't it? What's worse, this is exactly what we're heading to.