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Monday, March 06, 2006

The Political Drinking Game

From February 20th, cross-posted from Steve the Pirate


I’ve heard a good group of my friends complain that news and politics are boring. Now, keep in mind most of them are brainless college liberals and don’t know any better, but the fact is they don’t like to pay attention and stay informed with what’s happening in their country and world. In fact, if you look at test scores, you’ll see that high school and college students just aren’t interested in history and current events any more.
However, there is a trend in our high school and college students that we can manipulate to get more young people interested in the events that affect their daily lives.
Yes, that’s right. Alcohol. So, with that said, I present to you:

THE POLITICAL DRINKING GAME
WHAT YOU NEED:

1-bottle of an alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage of your choice.
1-television set with cable or antenna input 1-comfortable couch and coffee table 1-remote control Group of friends with one shot glass for each friend
Sit down with a group of friends and turn on the news channel of your choice, making sure you have a bottle or can of your favorite alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage of your choice on hand. The game can take an hour or ten hours, it’s all up to you. Play as little or as long as you want!
Here’s the rules. Pour one shot of selected beverage in each shot glass as you use the remote to turn on the television to the news channel of your choice.
The goal of the game is to watch for certain events and drink your shot before your comrades, scoring points, winning the game, and depending on the beverage forgetting just what happened when you wake up in a Japanese family’s pool the next morning. When one of the events mentioned below happens, you must drink your shot first. The one to finish the prescribed shots first will get the according number of points. The one with the most points at the end of the game wins.
Then again, with a game like this, we’re all winners in the end.
Wondering just what to watch for? I’m glad you asked!


DRINK ONE SHOT WHEN:
a Democrat says the president is misleading the public in Iraq.
a Democrat says the president is spying on the American public.
a Democrat demands the return of the troops.
a Republican spends like a drunken sailor on shore leave.
Fox Newsophiles only: you hear “fair and balanced.”
You hear the name of Rush Limbaugh.
You hear someone call for the resignation of Bush, Cheney, Rice, Rummy, or any mix of the four. Drink an extra if that someone’s Lincoln Chaffee.
You hear the word “blogger.”
Just for kicks: pop a shot at the top of each hour (the :00 mark).

DRINK TWO SHOTS WHEN:
Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face.
Drink an extra two if he does it on purpose.
Go for six if that person’s a reporter.
Ted Kennedy makes a woman cry.
Ted Kennedy makes Hillary Clinton cry.
Hillary Clinton tries to move to the right.
Bill Clinton moves Hillary to the right to chase a woman to the left.
Bill Clinton finally explains just what the definition of “is” is.
A reporter comes out in support of the war in Iraq.
A Democrat comes out in support of anything.


DRINK THREE SHOTS WHEN:
Ted Kennedy kills a woman.
the Left blames the Jews for anything and everything.
a “peaceful” protest group attacks a group of police officers.
Drink three more if the Protest Warriors are on the scene.
Pat Robertson converts to Islam and changes his name to Mohammad.
You hear the phrase “religion of peace.”
Three more if that phrase accompanies the news of a new suicide bombing.
The Iranian President makes a menorah a centerpiece of his Ramadan dinner table.
You hear a Democrat mention the phrase “world peace.”
You hear a Democrat blame Bush for anything.


And, of course, once the game is over make sure to knock back two for our men and women in the Armed Forces fighting to protect our freedom. It’s a cardinal rule, after all.

Once the game is over, if any of you is sober enough to stand, try and tally the points. Since most of you are total boozehounds, this game will be more like “Whose Line is it, Anyway?” where the points just don’t matter. If you do imbibe alcohol during this fun and educational outing, make sure to have a designated driver or make sure there’s a nice comfy lawn for you to sleep on somewhere.


Game over.



Day By Day© by Chris Muir.