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Friday, January 06, 2006

Evil Glenn on the Silver Screen

(A Filthy Lie)

Daniel Craig is the new James Bond. That’s all well and good, but it means trying to find new Bond girls and more villains for 007 to fight. The creators have even gotten so desperate that they asked Glenn Reynolds to play the part of the villain in the next Bond film to follow ‘Casino Royale’. Being an avid Bond fan, I managed to get an advanced copy of the script. Here is an excerpt from the soon-to-be-released ‘Instapussy’:

Bond enters the hidden lair of Evil Glenn.

Bond: Good afternoon, Glenn. I’m here to make sure that your plans for internet domination are stopped.

Glenn: Oh, my. Commander Bond, can I offer you a drink? Puppy shake?

Bond: Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.

Glenn gives Bond his drink.

Glenn: So how do you propose to stop me Mr. Bond?

Bond: What do you mean?

Glenn: That drink you are enjoying? I have filled it with millions of my nanites. They have control of you now. Which means I have control of you! Muahahaha!

Bond: You’re insane.

Glenn: Really? Let’s have a little test. Odd-job, bring in the hobo!

Hobo comes in escorted by Harvey from Bad Example.

Harvey: My name is Harvey, not Odd-job.

Hobo: Hey, this ain’t the kitchen!

Glenn: Shut up, both of you! Bond! Shoot that hobo!

Bond struggles as his hand goes for his Walther PPK. He strains for his watch which has a mini-EMP device. He manages to activate it but the pulse knocks out the lights.

Glenn: Blast! I’ll have to run away now!

Bond chases after Glenn but arrives just in time to see him fly off in a little helicopter.

Bond: Goodness, everything about that man is little.

Day By Day© by Chris Muir.