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*Disclaimer: Don't actually shoot liberals... Impaling is much more satisfying. But then again, there's always walking the plank...

Monday, November 28, 2005

Sheehan's Novel

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

Harvey is cruel. I like to read, but he’s forcing us to endure the torture that is Cindy Sheehan. You see, she put out a book, if you can call garbage like this a book. I, for one, am not going to do it. I’d like to preserve my brain cells at least until I’m 80.

Instead I’m going straight to the source. I tracked down ‘She who refuses to relinquish the limelight’ in Crawford, Texas where she awaits the return of President Bush.

Me: Mrs. Sheehan, may I ask you a few questions about your book?

Cindy: You read it?!

Me: Well, no.

CS: You want to?! I’ll give you a copy… no, three copies! Share them with your friends.

Me: No thanks. I like my friends.

CS: You sure? I’ll autograph them and everything!

Me: I just wanted to ask you what the book is about.

CS: It’s about the illegal war that President Bushitler is waging in the peace-loving country of Iraq. It’s about how he has refused to speak to me about why he personally murdered my son.

Me: But didn’t Casey volunteer for that mission?

CS: Oh! You’re one of THEM! Well let me tell you something Rupuglikan! You can go back to your baby killing friends and tell them that Cindy ain’t going home until every one of our boys is out of Iraq!

Me: Okay. Well thanks for your time.

CS: Wait! You’re not actually leaving, are you? I’ll be all alone again!

Me: Let go of my leg!

CS: Nooo!!! You can’t go!!!

After struggling for a few minutes I finally managed to free myself and run for my life. Don’t ever make me do this again Harvey, or I’ll send Sheehan to your house.

Cindy: Ha! Found you!

Help.



Day By Day© by Chris Muir.