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Monday, September 05, 2005

Bush Makes Hurricanes Stronger

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

As the final evacuees are shipped out of New Orleans, one has to ponder the reason behind such a terrible disaster. Could global warming truly be the cause?

Eager to find out once and for all the cause of hurricanes, I decided to hit the books. After making my knuckles raw, I decided to actually open the books and read them.

FEMA states that “hurricanes are severe tropical storms that form in the southern Atlantic Ocean, Caribbean Sea, Gulf of Mexico, and in the eastern Pacific Ocean. Hurricanes gather heat and energy through contact with warm ocean waters. Evaporation from the seawater increases their power.”

Evaporation of seawater? Why would seawater be evaporating in the Gulf of Mexico? I decided to go there and find out.

I stole Paul Allen’s personal 757 (he has two) and headed down to the gulf coast. I chartered a boat and sailed out into the Gulf of Mexico.

About 35 miles of the coast of Florida I came upon a towering structure with pipes and cables running out of it. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw steam billowing out around the base of the tower. “What the heck is this?”, I wondered aloud.

“Nothing that concerns you”, came the reply. It was none other than the president himself. He was riding along-side Dick Cheney in a Chris-Craft motorboat.

“What are you doing Mr. President? Don’t you know that evaporating the water causes hurricanes to get stronger?”

“I’m not purposely evaporating sea water. This thingy here is going to save the American people. It is creating a rift in the earth’s crust right at the border with Mexico. Once we are free of a border, no more illegal aliens. Catch my drift? The whole hurricane thing was an unfortunate side effect.”

“Wow! You sure will show those commie liberals who didn’t want to fund more border patrol agents!”

“Now all I have to do is get Michael Moore to cross over the border before it separates. If he’s on the north side, his weight will cause us to sink into the ocean.”

Day By Day© by Chris Muir.